SPAM Singles: Just rip and tear your way to CRAZY TASTY(r) town

I was at the store and saw these SPAM singles. Perhaps the most unnatural food I've seen since Vienna sausage.

Isn't this the most easy and convenient SPAM(r) ever? SPAM(r) singles are already cooked! This might just blow your mind. For you own safety, stop thinking about how easy SPAM(r) Singles will make your life. It's type to enjoy. Take another bite and throw your head back and think wonderful thoughts of faraway places while you chew. Like a magical SPAM(tm) castle in the sky and what a delicious and convenient visit you'd have. This is the meaning of SPAM(r) Singles. Crazy Tasty!

The instructions have an odd lilt to them, as if something was lost in translation. The broiling instructions, for example: "Find out if you have broiler pan or fire up the grill. Broil or grill 2 minutes until golden brown. Flip it. Repeat."

Who are they addressing that doesn't know if they have a broiler or not? Adults? The instructions seem to assume you know whether you have a grill.

The baking instructions are similarly weird: "Use your oven, turn the appropriate knobs, and bake at 425 for 10 minutes."

Or, you can follow the instructions at the top of the package: "Just rip and tear your way to CRAZY TASTY(r) town. (Serves one)"

The instructions for opening are simple and illustrated:

  • Grasp top corner

  • Tear open pouch

  • Squeeze pouch

  • Enjoy tasty spam(r)

Meanwhile, I'm not suggesting you purchase SPAM singles. Au contraire: I suggest upping your SPAM filter.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]


No comments:

Post a Comment