another hot tip?

Player Caught With Prosthetic Penis To Beat Drug Tests
Onterrio Smith Said 'Whizzinator' Was For Cousin

MINNEAPOLIS -- Former University of Oregon running back Onterrio Smith, now a Minnesota Viking, was briefly detained by airport police last month after they found a kit used to beat drug tests.
Smith told officers that it was dried urine used in conjunction with a device called "The Original Whizzinator," which he said was "for making a clean urine test." Smith told police he was taking the kit to his cousin. The Whizzinator is advertised as an "undetectable, foolproof and reusable" way to pass urine tests. The prosthetic is attached to elastic straps and is worn under pants.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said he didn't know if there is a penalty for
possessing a device designed to beat a drug test.

Are you aware of the penal codes in this state?

hot tip

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) -- The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday.
The man is from Nevada and lost a part of his finger in an accident last December, Davis said. His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line, he said. He said authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
Gee, it seems like they could have ID'd it with fingerprints...


Amazon's top 200

Here's more free music... from amazon.com!

really gay gum

no, really.
Blue Q Really Gay Gum
Chew it proud! Chew it loud!
Our Price: $1.25

Star Wars Knockoffs

Even though I was too old when Star Wars came out to get most of the coolest toys, I still played with them when I was at younger kids' houses.


All of our chili suppliers report no accidents

To anyone who's worked in fast food...

"Business at Wendy's restaurants has reportedly dropped off sharply in the days since the gruesome finger discovery, particularly at the outlet where the incident occurred and throughout Northern California."


CDC: Rubella eliminated in U.S.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Rubella, a virus that once caused tens of thousands of birth defects and deaths in a single outbreak, has been eliminated from the United States, health officials said on Monday.

But Americans still must vaccinate their children, and women who might get pregnant must still ensure they are immune because the disease exists elsewhere, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.
"During 1964 and 1965 a rubella epidemic in the United States caused an estimated 12.5 million cases of rubella and 20,000 cases of congenital rubella syndrome which led to more than 11,600 babies born deaf, 11,250 fetal deaths, 2,100 neonatal (newborn) deaths, 3,580 babies born blind and 1,800 babies born mentally retarded," the CDC said in a statement.

A vaccine was licensed in 1969 and since then the rubella virus has been included in the measles, mumps and rubella or MMR combined vaccine routinely given to babies and young children.

I remember getting the vaccine in grade school in 1969. All the kids in school lined up and went to the gymnasium for the shot. We all got a special metallic pin afterward.


Does Laura Bush promote abstinence?

Teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex that increase the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, a study of 12,000 adolescents suggests.
The report by Yale and Columbia University researchers could help explain their earlier findings that teens who pledged abstinence are just as likely to have STDs as their peers.
The latest study, published in the April issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that teens pledging virginity until marriage are more likely to have oral and anal sex than other teens who have not had intercourse. That behavior, however, "puts you at risk," said Hannah Brueckner, assistant professor of sociology at Yale and one of the study's authors.


Not your parents' Sea Monkeys

SALMON, Idaho (Reuters) -- A military biologist has documented a new species of fairy shrimp in Idaho, one of only four species among hundreds that are longer than one inch (2.54 cm) and eat their relatives, officials said on Wednesday.

Dana Quinney, a biologist with the Idaho National Guard, said the new species most closely resembled "a feathery preying mantis with an attitude."

Unlike the vast majority of fairy shrimp, the new species is armed with spines and ready to rumble with its smaller counterparts, said Quinney, adding, "This guy is a carnivore, grabbing onto little guys and eating them."

Sounds like American Idol...

Author Andre Norton has died at 93.

Norton requested before her death that she not have a funeral service, but instead asked to be cremated along with a copy of her first and last novels.

Born Alice Mary Norton on February 17, 1912, in Cleveland, she wrote more than 130 books in many genres during her career of nearly 70 years. She used a pen name -- which she made her legal name in 1934 -- because she expected to be writing mostly for young boys and thought a male name would help sales.

The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America recently created the Andre Norton Award for young adult novels, and the first award will be presented in 2006.


Get a pizza

NEW YORK (AP) -- Sony has built the ability to order pizza into its latest online multiplayer game. Type the command "/pizza" while playing Everquest II, a fantasy game with 330,000 active players, and get the Pizza Hut Web site, where you can place orders for delivery. Sony plans to integrate the pizza function more tightly into the game, so players can charge pizza to their monthly game subscription bill.

The next enhancement is "/life"...


movie madness

This site is funny...
EveryJoe gets to pitch a movie. Here are some examples:

And Hijinks Ensue!
"BUSINESS AS USUAL is a feature-length comedy in which an immature and self-centered medical billing executive audits a problem client's account. When a hilarious office injury lands her under that client's medical care, the young executive uses hospital hi-jinks and some help from her conscience personified in order to expose the doctor's corruption."

"LOGLINE: Following a mishap during laser eye surgery, a woman finds she is empowered with the ability to kill with a mere glance."

"LOGLINE: Remember the olden days, when good and evil clashed and gods and goddesses walked the earth? Well, they're back...And they brought their own soundtrack!"

Junk Mail
"Four Homeland Security agents desperately attempt to decode clues to a series of plots contained in five junk e-mail ads. All of them are filled with cryptic occult references that suggest unprecedented weapons of mass destruction."
I can see it now: "FREE overthrow PENIS the ENLARGMENT! government"

Here's a cheap one...

"LOGLINE: A family of misfits with cloaking technology battle zombies and a secret government agency that wants to enslave them.
SYNOPSIS: In 2016 a virus infects the world, turning masses of people into undead cannibals. Sixty-five years later, Josie, her twelve-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, and seven others take residence atop a metropolitan high rise. With the use of a cloaking device, they manage to elude the undead as well as their newest foe, the soldiers of Embryon. The more they come in contact with these soldiers, the more Embryon's secrets unfold."

I'm sick of you.
"Aren't you sick of predictable detective movies when you know the bad guy is going to go down? That is why I wrote the INVISIBLE KILLER. Set in Manchester, New Hampshire, in 2025. It's about two twins brothers, whom the police think is one serial killer. They are self-made millionaires and out for vengeance. Unique? You better believe it."

And chaos ensues...
"LOGLINE: Chuck would never have thought of going into politics if the aliens hadn't inflated his cat and sent him on a picnic with Marilyn Monroe."



The hit US cartoon series The Simpsons brand new episode will see Marge Simpson's chain-smoking sister Patty turn out to be a lesbian.

According to The Sun, the episode called There's Something About Marrying, screened in the US, shows that Homer Simpson becomes a minister on the internet and conducts dozens of same-sex weddings.

In the show Patty Bouvier also reveals how she fell for her golfer friend Veronica, who turns out to be a man, betrayed by a protruding Adam's apple and unmasked at the altar.



Original gonzo journalist kills self at age 67. 'Fear and Loathing' author, ex-columnist for S.F. Examiner dies of gunshot wound.


Shoe in

That's "Little Beirut" for you...
PORTLAND, Oregon (AP) -- Howard Dean, the newly minted leader of the Democratic Party, and former Pentagon adviser Richard Perle made clear their opposing views on the war in Iraq during a debate marred by a protester who tossed a shoe at Perle.

Perle had just started his comments Thursday when a protester threw a shoe at him before being dragged away, screaming, "Liar! Liar!"

Perle, who was Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld's top policy adviser, was a key architect of the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq, and Dean is among the war's most prominent opponents.


Isn't the Internet great?

A chef has created a computer that prints paper meals.

Homaru Cantu's invention uses ink made of liquidised food to print a picture snack on low-calorie edible paper. The meals on soya bean and potato paper could help office workers satisfy food cravings without piling on the pounds.

Scottish men can now marry their ex-mothers-in-law following legal changes by the Scottish Executive.

Scottish women are also free to marry their former fathers-in-law as a result of the changes, reports the Herald. The family law reforms change laws dating back to 1567, based on the Old Testament, which said that if a man takes a wife and lies with her mother, all three should be burned alive.

A Jordanian man divorced his wife after discovering that she was also his virtual girlfriend.

Bakr Melhem had been flirting with a women on an internet chat room for several months. But, when they finally met up at a bus station, in Zarqa near Amman, he recognised her as his wife Sanaa. Bakr Melhem immediately shouted the Arabic words for 'I divorce thee' three times.

A man from Swansea has discovered he sends text messages in his sleep.

Richard Griffiths, 23, has sent a series of messages - one even mirroring a nightmare he was having. He said: "I text so much it's second nature. But I was still freaked out." He sent his first message to his mum at 2am 18 months ago reports The Sun.

A few months later he sent a text to his friend Ashley Jones saying: "Help, I'm in trouble, someone's chasing me." Ashley immediately rang back - and spoke to Richard who revealed he had been dreaming. Another text, referring to the Jungle Book film he had seen with two young relatives, read: "Baloo have you seen Bagheera?"


Hi Res

Here is a web page about a guy with a really high definition camera. I originally saw an article about him on Wired.com.


One Good Thing

Here's one good thing, among others, about beer....

Man peed way out of avalanche

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.

Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.

He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.

But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.

He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.

Bad Beer?

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A woman has pleaded guilty to selling on eBay three nonexistent cases of Duff brand beer -- the favorite of cartoon character Homer Simpson.

Tara Edith Woodford, 28, pleaded guilty in the Mackay Magistrates Court in
northern Queensland state on Wednesday to three charges of dishonestly gaining money by false pretenses.

Prosecutor Gavin Burnett told the court Woodford was paid a total of Aust. $1,951 ($1,511) by three separate buyers after advertising the bogus beer on the eBay Internet auction site.

Duff is the beer brand of choice for Homer Simpson and his barfly friends in the animated U.S. television series "The Simpsons".

In the mid-1990s, two breweries released their own "Duff Beer" in Australia until legal action by the creators of "The Simpsons" and the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corp. took the beer off the market.

Fox has a policy of refusing to license "The Simpsons" merchandising for products that would be detrimental to children.

Duff beer is now a collector's item and cases can sell for as much as $774 on eBay, according to Lorraine Gledhill, the treasurer of the National Beer Can Collectors Club.


PR Spending brought to light

You can see that what Bush says, and what he does are two different things. First, his administration buys commentators for No Child Left Behind. Then, his administration buys commentators for Prescription Drug Cards. Then, he says 'no more paid commentators'.

I wonder how much public money is going to be spent convincing people that social security needs to be privatized?

Report: PR spending doubled under Bush
By Jim Drinkard, USA TODAY
WASHINGTON . The Bush administration has more than doubled its spending on outside contracts with public relations firms during the past four years, according to an analysis of federal procurement data by congressional Democrats.

The administration spent at least $88 million in fiscal 2004 on contracts with major public relations firms, the analysis found, compared with $37 million in 2001, Bush's first year in office. In all, the administration spent $250 million on public relations contracts during its first term, compared with $128 million spent for President Clinton between 1997 and 2000. The analysis did not examine what the Clinton administration spent during its first term.

The top-spending agency during the past four years, at $94 million, was the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services. The biggest federal public relations contractor in that period was Ketchum, with $97 million.

"While not all public relations spending is illegal or inappropriate, this rapid rise in public relations contracts at a time of growing budget deficits raises questions about the priorities of the administration," said the report by the Democratic staff of the House Government Reform Committee.


Ownership Society?

Once again the Bush administration shows what they really mean by an ownership society.

What do I mean? I mean that, if you got the money, you can pretty much own society.
This article shows that the Bush administration didn't just let the marriage issue happen.

In 2002, syndicated columnist Maggie Gallagher repeatedly defended President Bush's push for a $300 million initiative encouraging marriage as a way of strengthening families.

"The Bush marriage initiative would emphasize the importance of marriage to poor couples" and "educate teens on the value of delaying childbearing until marriage," she wrote in National Review Online, for example, adding that this could "carry big payoffs down the road for taxpayers and children."

But Gallagher failed to mention that she had a $21,500 contract with the Department of Health and Human Services to help promote the president's proposal. Her work under the contract, which ran from January through October 2002, included drafting a magazine article for the HHS official overseeing the initiative, writing brochures for the program and conducting a briefing for department officials.

"Did I violate journalistic ethics by not disclosing it?" Gallagher said yesterday. "I don't know. You tell me."

No, you tell me. That's what you were paid $20K for.

Google Video

This is really pretty google...I mean... cool.

As Conan says "Have you heard about this "spongebob squarepants" thing?"

"Our agenda ought to be able to stand on its own two feet"

Under pressure from my blog, Bush has decided to stop letting people know when the current administration uses paid commentators.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- President Bush ordered his Cabinet secretaries Wednesday not to pay media commentators to promote his legislative agenda, saying payments by the Education Department were improper and new leadership was now in place.

Bush said it was an improper use of government funds, and told a news conference: "I expect my Cabinet secretaries to make sure that that practice doesn't go forward. There needs to be independence."

Bush said, "We didn't know about this in the White House."


SpongeBob Brainwashes Kids?

So, apparently SpongeBob, Diana Ross, Whoopi Goldberg, the Souther Poverty Law Center, Bill Cosby, all the Muppets, Arthur, Clifford and one-time Bowie guitarist Niles Rodgers are all pro-homosexual! It's a huge conspiracy, of which Nickelodeon, the public school systems, and several major broadcast networks are all participants.

What am I talking about? Here's an excerpt from the story of SpongeBob GayPants:
WASHINGTON - A music video promoting tolerance of others and featuring cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants is under fire from several U.S. religious groups, who charge that the "pro-homosexual video" is an attempt to "brainwash" kids.

Dr. James C. Dobson, founder of religious group Focus on the Family, spoke of the video Tuesday evening at a black-tie dinner in Washington, criticizing what he called a "pro-homosexual video."

A DVD of the music video is set to be mailed out to U.S. elementary schools along with educational lesson plans developed in collaboration with the Anti-Defamation League and a "tolerance pledge" that includes a mention of tolerance for different sexual identities. Barney, Clifford, Arthur, characters from Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, Bill Cosby, Diana Ross and Whoopi Goldberg also appear in the footage.

The work itself, which has already appeared on several TV networks, doesn't include any reference to sexual identity. Though not mentioned on the video, the "tolerance pledge" . which is borrowed from the Alabama-based Southern Poverty Law Center . is available on the foundation's website.

Who knows, maybe even President Bush is part of this. I mean, after all he
mentioned this during his inauguration:
There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment and expose the pretensions of tyrants and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant. And that is the force of human freedom.

Also, Stan Lee (who's smiling about something else) was a major force in comics in the 20th century may have influenced SpongeBob in his alleged homosexuality. After all, the article alleges:
Critics have previously suggested that the yellow sponge character is gay, pointing to his affectionate relationship with his sidekick Patrick and his
favourite TV show, The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.


Bible Theory

ATLANTA - A federal judge Thursday ordered a suburban Atlanta school system to remove stickers from its high school biology textbooks that call evolution “a theory, not a fact,” saying the disclaimers are an unconstitutional endorsement of religion.

“By denigrating evolution, the school board appears to be endorsing the well-known prevailing alternative theory, creationism or variations thereof, even though the sticker does not specifically reference any alternative theories,” U.S. District Judge Clarence Cooper said.

The stickers were put inside the books’ front covers by public school officials in Cobb County in 2002. They read: “This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.”

As an alternative, the judge suggested this sticker be posted on bibles:
"This bible contain material on religion. Religion is based on faith and hearsay, not facts regarding the observable world. This material should be approached carefully, studied critically, and openly considered."

Search for WMD is over!

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. inspectors have ended their search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in recent weeks, a U.S. intelligence official told CNN.

The search ended almost two years after President Bush ordered the invasion of Iraq, citing concerns that Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction and may have hidden weapons stockpiles.
The Iraq Survey Group report said that Iraq's WMD program was essentially destroyed in 1991 and Saddam ended the country's nuclear program after the 1991 Gulf War.
Many of the military and intelligence personnel, who had been assigned to the weapons search, are now working on counterinsurgency matters, the official said.


Lack of Integrity II

I take back what I said about not much press.
The Armstrong Williams "scandal" is all over daypop:

  • USATODAY.com - White House paid commentator to promote law
  • CNN.com - Feds paid pundit to push Bush policy - Jan 7, 2005
  • Administration Paid Commentator (washingtonpost.com)

In addition to that, there's more evidence of the Whitehouse's Department of Propaganda:

In the second ruling of its kind, the investigative arm of Congress this week scolded the Bush administration for distributing phony prepackaged news reports that include a "suggested live intro" for anchors to read, interviews with Washington officials and a closing that mimics a typical broadcast news sign off.

Although television stations knew the materials were produced by the Office of National Drug Control Policy, there was nothing in the two-minute, prepackaged reports that would indicate to viewers that they came from the government or that Morris, a former journalist, was working under contract for the government.

"You think you are getting a news story, but what you are getting is a paid announcement," said Susan A. Poling, managing associate general counsel at the GAO. "What is objectionable about these is the fact the viewer has no idea their tax dollars are being used to write and produce this video segment."

Integrity lacking?

This article gets lots of press:

Four CBS employees were fired Monday following the release of an independent investigation into a "60 Minutes Wednesday" story about President Bush's military service that relied on forged documents.

The network fired Mary Mapes, producer of the report; Josh Howard, executive producer of "60 Minutes Wednesday" and his top deputy Mary Murphy; and senior vice president Betsy West.

Dan Rather, the anchor of the "CBS Evening News" who served as the story's correspondent, announced in November he would be stepping down from his anchor position in March. Rather did not mention the controversy when he made his announcement.

But this article gets hardly any:

Tribune Media Services will stop distributing columns written by conservative commentator Armstrong Williams because he received money to promote President Bush's education programs, the company said.

Meanwhile, the nation's largest African-American journalists' organization has asked other media outlets that use Williams' work to do the same.

Williams confirmed Friday that he received $240,000 from the Department of Education in exchange for promoting No Child Left Behind, the centerpiece of Bush's education agenda. Williams said the payment was merely for advertising time.

Yet, the Bush administrator has used the same tatic previously.
Notably, the fake news report they paid for with gov't funds to promote the Prescription Drug Discount card.


Hitler's Hit Parade

There's a new movie out about entertainment during the reign of the Third Reich. For some reason, these song titles seem like they could be applied to current events....

"Hitler's Hit Parade" is hardly a trip down memory lane. This film's juxtaposition of romantic songs and wartime brutalities can cause viewers to squirm or turn away in horror.

The disturbing collage of Third Reich musicals, newsreels, home movies, cartoons and commercials, including rare segments in color, shows how the Nazis relied on escapist entertainment to promote their murderous ideology and bolster the veneer of normalcy during the nightmare of Adolf Hitler's reign.
Portraying themselves as protectors of German traditions and historic continuity, the Nazis promised law and order and national respect at a time of economic despair
Allusions to discipline and obedience were reflected in seemingly innocuous popular tunes with titles like "Don't Ask How, Don't Ask Where," "Don't Let It Bother You" and "Everything in Life Will Pass."


Laser Terror

The FBI claimed they didn't think there was a link between the laser pointers shining at aircraft and terrorism.

But, they seem to have a keen interest in tracking down each event.

I heard on OPB that Bigha, a Corvallis company, has been questioned by the counter intelligence unit of the US Army re: lasers. They normally create astronomy equipment, but they came up with a chair / binoculars / laser combo that allows you to target and view stars.

The lasers were so popular that they started making & selling just the lasers as pointers. They make them within the gov't specs, but they've heard about college kids altering them to make them 20x brighter.


Comic Book Artist Will Eisner dead

I met Will Eisner at a comics roundtable talk at the Lake Oswego cultural festival (I know, it sounds like an oxymoron). Eisner, along with Mike Richardson from Dark Horse Comics and Harlan Ellison (no tag needed here) talked about what makes any given comic great, and who are the leaders in the art. Will Eisner was at the top of the pyramid.

I shook his hand and then got him to sign a Spirit Sunday Supplement.
Here's an example.

Pretty cool to meet him.
And Harlan Ellsion was pretty interesting, too.

Next Big Entertainment

Did you read the article in Wired.com about BitTorrent?

Cohen realized that chopping up a file and handing out the pieces to several uploaders would really speed things up. He sketched out a protocol: To download that copy of Meet the Fokkers, a user's computer sniffs around for others online who have pieces of the movie. Then it downloads a chunk from several of them simultaneously. Many hands make light work, so the file arrives dozens of times faster than normal.

Paradoxically, BitTorrent's architecture means that the more popular the
file is the faster it downloads - because more people are pitching in. Better yet, it's a virtuous cycle. Users download and share at the same time; as soon as someone receives even a single piece of Fokkers, his computer immediately begins offering it to others. The more files you're willing to share, the faster any individual torrent downloads to your computer. This prevents people from leeching, a classic P2P problem in which too many people download files and refuse to upload, creating a
drain on the system. "Give and ye shall receive" became Cohen's motto, which he printed on T-shirts and sold to supporters.

If enough people start getting their TV online, it will drastically change the nature of the medium. Normally, the buzz for a show builds gradually;
it takes a few weeks or even a whole season for a loyal viewership to lock in. But in a BitTorrented broadcast world, things are more volatile. Once a show becomes slightly popular - or once it has a handful of well-connected proselytizers - multiplier effects will take over, and it could become insanely popular overnight. The pass-around effect of blogs, email, and RSS creates a roving, instant audience for a hot show or segment. The whole concept of must-see TV changes from being something you stop and watch every Thursday to something you gotta check out right now, dude. Just click here.


How to buy an election

Here's an article from the Washington Post that details pretty well how
the Republicans targeted the 7% of voters who really were undecided.

It also talks about Kerry's lack of overall strategy and marketing plan,
and the lack of communication between Kerry and the 527 groups.

The ultimate test of the two campaigns is in the success of their efforts to increase turnout from 2000. Kerry and his allies increased the Democrat's vote by about 6.8 million votes; Bush increased his by nearly 10.5 million. In the key battleground of Ohio, Bush countered Kerry's gains in the metropolitan precincts by boosting his margin in exurban and rural counties from 57 to 60 percent, eking out a 118,457-vote victory.

A supposed strategic advantage for the Democrats -- massive support from well-endowed independent groups -- turned out to have an inherent flaw: The groups' legally required independence left them with a message out of harmony with the Kerry campaign.

A large part of Bush's advantage derived from being an incumbent who did not face a challenger from his party. He also benefited from the experience and continuity of a campaign hierarchy, based on a corporate model, that had essentially stayed intact since Bush's 1998 reelection race for Texas governor.